Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2
Contains: Lesbians, Angst, Conversation Of Religious Torture, Trans Lady Lead, WoC Lead

In a world of hurt it’s hard to find the spots that don’t. If it’s all around you then it’s easier to just say, I am in pain not my arm doesn’t hurt. So it’s no different with trauma, depression, this is pain. It’s hard to see your own smiles when the pain is covering every inch of life.  So it is when we wake up and try to get past that pain, when we finally find the spot that doesn’t hurt that we can really confront the pain. Sometimes that pain is an event, sometimes it’s the world around us. Yet the things that can help us are also wild and diverse. The hand of a loved one or a stranger may be what it takes to go further. 

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Trucey
 

I was all alone, everyone was so far away.  Where was Serena?  My BFF forever, the woman I could settle down with in a small home after retirement - keeping our vows of celibacy of course, simply watching the days go by together in little rocking chairs on some farm land. We were making the world a better place, right?  We were doing what was best, surely..

Then she was gone, and I was alone.  I stood a hero in front of the Paladins, they cheered for my slaying of the vampire queen and assured me Serena would be found.  But I hoped not.  I hoped none of the rest of them found her, hunted her. I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t sleep.  I didn’t have her warm smile to hush me into bed, so instead I read, and read, anything for a cure to vampirism. In the cover of night no one would question me. 

People would talk, but it was like my world was covered in darkness. Had the queen also cast a hex on me?  Faces were always hard, but now they were shadows. My commander, my partner, I had to reach out. I had to get her back.

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Serena

I watched her sweet silk hair, removed from it's bun and resting across her lovely body. Trucey. I should hate her. I really should, but also I shouldn't.  She was as much of a victim as me, after all I wasn't the only one who has suffered their torture. 

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Back when we met in the paladins, she was peppy and so excited to join. I had saved her life, watched the adorable face turn from despair to hope.  She was a newbie, looking to get into the full ranks, and I took her as a personal project.  Her smile made me calm.  She had been saved by Paladins before and wanted to help protect people. It was cute. 

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Enough pondering on our past though, I had a present. A present full of blood and rage yet here was my rock. This sleepy little holy warrior. I brush her hair back, it was so familiar. I see her smile when I did it, just like the old days. The pain was so strong, but the joy it's equal.  I had to be cool and confident. I was when I was her mentor, I was when I was her partner, I was when I tried to fight….I have to be strong. 

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Her eyes begin to open and I smile, baring my fangs a bit, she twitches. Fuck, I was hungry. I could grab a blood bag, but there was a desire to grab it straight from the source. I shake my head and assure her “I'm not gonna drink from you unless you ask, princess.”

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Trucey

Drink my blood?!!! Of all the things to be true about vampires, it just had to be that.  But wait, if she didn't drink my blood, then she would have to drink from someone else’s...  She should drink from me though, right?  After all we were life partners, and so long as she didn't turn me, I could deal with being low energy while I process this strange place. 

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I push myself against her “Take my blood.  You'll have to take it from somewhere might as well be me.”

​

Serena bares her fangs moving closer and I quiver with my arms around her. She kisses my neck, before pulling away.  She held my hand and said “I have blood bags. They aren't as good as fresh, and I doubt any blood could be better than yours, but I want you to want to give it, not just feel a heroic duty to it.”

Was that just it, no I did want it. I grab onto Serena and pull her head forward, pressing her face against my neck.  “Drink from me!”

I had no idea what was right, what was wrong, everything was all messed up and the holy light that guided me didn't feel so reassuring any more. I want this, please I wanted this so bad.

She resists but only for a moment, her hands getting loose against me before grasping me firmly. Her fangs moving in brought a surge of pleasure and bliss I had never known. She presses me against the wall and I feel her passion, her love, her desires, the pent up frustration. All her feelings, they were in me! This was the best thing ever, I always wanted to be closer to her, and for a full minute we were like one.

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Serena

It was like we were one, it wasn’t like this when I drank to kill and eat. I could feel my rage and fear, but this was so happy. This was so good. I couldn’t even begin to say what it meant to me. I wanted to break down crying tears of joy, I was one with Trucey! I hold her hand and coo “That was amazing.” She nods unable to speak due to the overwhelming pleasure and hugs me tightly. Finally we had time to rest, to cry, to mourn, to think. I lay down my hand, not letting go and Trucey, joined me her arms around me. I didn’t expect her to but she snuggled me holding me against her.

The world began to fade.  And for the first time since I was bitten I could sleep.

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Trucey

 

I love Serena…

Ilove her… I love her. I should say it right? I mean, should I not? Why is it I couldn’t think of that before?

​

Feeling her feelings, knowing how she feels made my feelings make more sense. She was so pretty when she was asleep. My best gal pal, my dearest friend, I wanted us to be something else too. I won’t say it’s an upgrade but I will say it is special and an amazing addition. 

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I never thought of romance before, or did I. Was I falling in love to explain the confusion?  Could I trust my own feelings, given what Serena told me. I look back to her sleeping face and wonder if there was something I could do for the vampire. I mean, I just gave her my blood, but honestly despite whatever mild dizziness I had, I was much more energized.

I stand up and pace, I think and I think. It was best to not say ‘love’ until after I see what this town has to offer, what is going on, hear the whole story.

I think back to an adventure we had, a memory we kept secret from everyone...

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There was once a Naga infection in a frontier town, human’s coiled as their servants or so it was said. I was bitten and injected. Anyone infected was called to a quarantine but I was afraid. The women were acting strange, saying lusty things to men around the area as if we were a pair of potential hus..partners.  I asked Serena privately to let me stay in her tent and that I could resist the venom’s odd effects.

I began to act strange going on top of Serena and holding her, barely stopping myself kissing her. Then I stopped, I was so afraid that I was being some kind of awful woman that didn’t respect her. After all she told me she was trans and perhaps the primal lust was being transphobic. Could I desire a woman?  I couldn’t understand it, but my brain began to care less and less.

It was back then that something seemed to snap in Serena, like she was pained all of a sudden. She giggled a bit and held my hand, and told me if I felt the same for her in the morning, then she would gladly do any of the lewd things I asked for.

​

I wanted her so badly then, wanted to touch her in all sorts of places. It would be wrong, but why would it be wrong? I couldn’t figure out the answer, but we agreed not to speak of it.

Serena was different for a few days following that.  Then after it, asked me to meet her at an old tree we used to talk at, and sit under for shade when it was just the two of us.

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Later that night as I waited for her, she was approaching the tree with her bags. I could see her almost reach me when a priest grabbed her and she walked back. A paladin came over to tell me she was assigned on a sudden mission and wouldn’t return for about a day.

When I saw her next, she didn’t have anything to say about the meeting.  She just said they wanted to talk about a new restaurant serving a fried chicken, sounded very good and we went there the next day. It was a nice meal, but what would have happened if that day I was a bit faster, I didn’t linger, didn’t tell others I was meeting with her. I needed to be sure about all this, but back then felt like I knew nothing...

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Serena

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A flash of light, a scream of pain, joy bubbling up and then vanishing like it was never there.

​

Thought to be gone forever, again and again, a flash of light, scream of pain, a burst of happiness and then vanishing like it was never there.

I’m standing upside down in a room, a bunch of little voices are being heard, sounds like family, but did I ever have one?

Snap, flash of light, I am looking at Trucey, she looks so happy. Her arms locked around her husband, an arm around my waist...No that wasn’t how it was going to go, vow of chastity had its benefits!  

Snap, flash of light, I am with an older Trucey.  We are rocking on chairs, our old blades resting beside each other on some soft farm land. Trucey swoons “It’s nice to be off the force, and be best pals together.”

I giggle “Yes, I am enjoying a life of solitude with my best friend.”

“Yes, my dear commander.  Now that you defeated that witch, we can… -”

Witch….

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Snap, flash of light, my fangs dripping with blood as I find myself tossing aside a nun.  “Oh yes, it’s revenge time.”  I crack my knuckles, dodging the swift swordsmanship of my former peers.  I was so strong now, strong enough to never be hurt by them again.  I punch the knight, shattering his armor with my magically enhanced fists.  I burn through a whole convoy of the bastards.  It wasn’t enough though, it wouldn’t be enough for what they did, I had to go further, I had to utterly destroy the system just like I wished to do all those years ago.

Snap, flash of light, Jillian is there.  Mama Jillian. She brushes off my bridal dress and teases me “I didn’t think you would get married before me, well you found an amazing girl.”   I grab her and hug her tight, I was so happy. I start crying in her arms and she just hugs me. I didn’t think a dream could be such a long hug but it lasted for a while...

My eyes finally open.  I see Trucey in thought as I return to the world of the living, and of the not-so-living.  The dreams are over, but the light still seems sudden. Like the snap and the flash that had haunted me all night, I worried how long this happiness would last.

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I move and slip past her into the kitchen, beginning to prepare her food without her even noticing. To think, people thought nothing got past her.

I prepare for her a tray of eggs, and finally she smells it as I bring it out to my little table. Trucey gasps “Ahhhhh...wait you made this for me.”   

“For me and you.  I can still eat it’s just, like, not something I have to do.”

“Oh, okay well, let’s eat! After this let’s explore the town!”

Gosh, she was so cute when she was determined.